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I have been into lots of problems. I guess trouble is my friend - bestfriend. I have been asking God quite sometime, for all the things occurring and for every problems existing but I do not allow any moments to not thank God, for littlest joys that comes surprisingly.

I have never been a good one nor the best daughter that any mom could ever have. I was just this mediocre, not even trying to prove something. I just let things happen. Why? For the reason that "I DON'T PLAN. and I REALLY DON'T.

Mama always told me, that I could never reach something if I won't change. I never understand why she kept on reminding me those words. I tend to neglect all the things she kept nagging when, she was still alive. But now I do regret.

I regret for I was not able to make her feel proud of me. I regret for I was this really stubborn-selfish-bum. I regret for every moments I made her cry and feel sorry having me as her child.

June 11, the last birthday that she had celebrated. She's 43 yet looked 30. I wrote a letter to her. I never meant it was the last letter that she would read. I told her everything. How much I feel sorry. How much we loved her. How much we thanked God for her, for the life she gave us and how proud we are for having her as our Mama.

I never saw her cry while reading the words that I wrote to her. But while I write the letter, I kept on wiping my cheeks for I can't stopped the tears.

Now, she's permanently gone. She would no longer read this one. We won't hear her nagged again about her principles, beliefs and dreams. We would never have this moment to hug her. We won't hear her scolding us anymore.

Know what's the saddest part of it all? Facing the truth. That she will never come back.