aww...

"He wasn’t even mad at me — he wasn’t even mad at you! He’s so unselfish it makes me feel even worse. I wish he would have yelled at me or something. It’s not like I don’t deserve . . . well, much worse that getting yelled at But he doesn’t care. He just wants me to be happy."
Bella Swan, Eclipse,

misguided ghost

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OnGYZC7_ReU

 I am going away for a while
But I’ll be back, don’t try and follow me
‘Cause I’ll return as soon as possible
See I’m trying to find my place
But it might not be here where I feel safe
We all learn to make mistakes

And run
From them, from them
With no direction
We’ll run from them, from them
With no conviction

‘Cause I’m just one of those ghosts
Traveling endlessly
Don’t need no roads
In fact they follow me

And we just go in circles

Well Now I’m told that this is life
And pain is just a simple compromise
So we can get what we want out of it
Would someone care to classify,
Of broken hearts and twisted minds
So I can find someone to rely on

And run
To them, to them
Full speed ahead
Oh you are not useless
We are just

Misguided ghosts
Traveling endlessly
The ones we trusted the most
Pushed us far away
And there’s no one road
We should not be the same
But I’m just a ghost
And still they echo me

They echo me in circles

alam mo kung minsan, hindi ko makontrol ang pagkataklesa ko. napakadaldal kasi nitong kamay ko. para akong sinasapian ni kris aquino kapag kaharap ko na ang monitor at pagka hawak ko na ang keyboard.

madalas kong ipahamak ang sarili ko.
at madalas ako rin ang dahilan kung bat ako nasasaktan. malamang. :(

fuckmylife.

tagubilin

 naghintay ako. naghihintay. maghihintay. sino ka man. nasaan ka man. andito lang ako para sayo....

humanap ka ng taong iintindi sayo. taong marunong umunawa. hindi sapat ang mahal ka lang niya. humanap ka ng taong hinding-hindi ka pagsasawaan. at kahit ano pa man ang kamalian mo ay matatanggap ka. minsan ka lang makakakita ng taong ganon at kung makakahanap ka, wag mo na silang pakakawalan.

humanap ka ng taong handa kang tanggapin kung sino ka man at kung ano ka pa man.

matuto kang magpahalaga sa bawat taong nakakaharap mo. bawat taong nakikilala mo. pahalagahan mo rin ang mga taong sa tingin mo’y pinapahalagahan ka. matuto kang tumayo sa sarili mong paa. matuto kang tumayo sa bawat pagkakadapa. matuto ka ring umunawa. hindi sa lahat ng panahon umaayon sayo ang mundo. maging bukas ka sa pagbabago. matuto kang umiyak, hindi masama ang umiyak. matuto kang ipaglaban ang sa tingin mo’y tama. matuto kang tumanggap ng pagkatalo at pagkabigo. weder weder lang yan.

lagi kang mag-iingat. kumain ka ng wasto. sa panahon ngayon, bawal magkasakit. alam mo bang wala ng pedeng pumalit sayo kapag nawala ka sa mundo? dahil nag-iisa ka lang. WALA ng pepedeng maging IKAW. WALA ng ibang IKAW sa MUNDO. tandaan mo yan. wag mo nang tatangkaing manigarilyo. hindi bagay sayo. hindi rin magandang tingnan. muka kang kapre. uminom ka ng tama lang. dahil hindi din bagay sayo ang maglasing. at wala kang karapatang uminom at manigarilyo. dahil bata ka pa. magpayong ka kapag umuulan. dahil kung sa tingin mong malakas ka, pwes nagkakamali ka. hindi ka malakas. umasa ka pa. sipunin ka kaya. hindi ka SUPERHERO, pede ba? wala kang superpowers! hibang ka ha.

maghanap ka ng tagapahid sa iyong luha. maghanap ka ng kumag na kaya kang patawanin. maghanap ka ng taong kahit anung gawin mong iwas e, mananatili sa iyong tabi. taong alam mong di ka kayang iwanan ng ganun-ganon lang at taong laging tapat.

sige. wag ka na munang magmadali. matuto kang maghintay. ang lahat ng bagay ay dumadating sa takdang panahon at ang lahat ng dumadating ay may dahilan. minsan merong dumadating, pero di naman nagtatagal. ganon talaga. me dahilan nga ang lahat.

dahan-dahan ka lang. hinay-hinay. teykyurtaym

ang gusto ko lamang sa buhay ay.......

kagabi pa po itong entry na 'to nagawa. ehkaso nakakatamad magonline. basta. nakakapagod magkwento.

matulog... matulooooog...matulog ng walang inaalala......

kelangan paulanan ng maraming tuldok para tumalab............

yung matulog ng walang magugulong proble...at nawala ako sasabihin ko. anlakas makapang-agaw ng ideya nitong kanta ni Jugs. pucha.....BRB.... maganda naman kasi yung himig saka mensahe, eh kaso Tagalog, imbes na tumipa ng salita eh nalilito yun utak ko, kung titipa ba ko o makikinig na lang muna, oh well mabalik tayo.. kung anu-ano na naman ang isinisingit kong anetchi...

namimiss kong matulog. iyong bang tipong pagkahiga mo, plakdang plakda ka na para kang galing sa palayan at nag-araro ng isang buong araw ng limampong hektaryang palayan. tae ka. hindi sa farmville ha. o di kaya ay yaong para ka lang nanghalay ng pitomputpitongputingputa. pwahahaha..

ngayon ni pagpikit halos ipilit ko pa sa sarili ko. oo. malala na nga ang narating nitong insomnia ko. ni halos hindi na ako dinadalaw ni antok. at utang na loob ko pa sa driver ng bus ang mahimbing kong power nap, kase dun lang nya ako dinadalaw, may sa pagkademanding din itong si ANTOK. gaya ngayon, alas dyes pa lang naman, oo, maaga pa, pero sa gaya kong may tungkulin sa araw araw, at kinakailangang magising ng mata ko nang alas syete, dapat mga gantong oras eh, inihihele ko na ang sarili ko para makatulog pero alam mo kung anong nanyayari saken pagkalapag ko sa kama? daig ko pa ang nasa tsubibo. dadapa, titihaya, left side, right side, sa paanan ang ulo, sa uluhan ang paa, ihahang ang pader sa paa, este ang paa sa pader, papaling paling, na tila ba ay nakikipagbato batopik sakin ang utak ko. pagka dilat yung mata ko, at nanonood ng telebisyon,umaanghang at naaakit na kong mahiga sa kama, pero kapag naandon na ko sa kama, biglang nawawala ang antok at napapalitan ng kung anu-anong alalahanin. gaya kanina, nariyan na ko at nakasideview, akap si unan na nakaoutfit ng duster ni mama, pinikit ko na ang mata ko, tapos habbit ko na kasi na iislide yun paa ko sa anumang tela na madulas, malamig, at malambot..ehehe..ewan ko ba, masarap sa feeling eh, nakakaantok, basta yun yung ginagawa ko lage para madalaw ng antok, eh inabot na ko ng kinse minutos, di pa din ako mapakali. sinubukan ko ulit pilitin ang sarili kong matulog na, ginamitan ko na ng pinakamalupit kong technique, ang magbilang ng tupa sa kawalan. tssk. fail. ayaw talaga ako sundin ng mga neurons ko sa katawan. imbes, sa mamahinga eh ito, inutusan pa nila akong magbukas ng kompyuter at magdaldal dito. napakasama nila. wulanyasila.

naalala ko tuloy, dati naman kasi wala akong problema sa pagtulog. kapag ipinasya kong matulog, nakakatulog naman kagad ako, nang walang anu-anong iniisip. dati masa ako eh. masa; masandal tulog. lalo na nung mga panahong nag-aaral pa ko, at mas lalo kapag galing ako sa duty ko sa -club- hospital, pagkauwi ko sa bahay, diretso agad ako sa kwarto ko, pagka nasa pintuan na ko ng kwarto ko at naaamoy ko na ang halimuyak ng cologne ko galing doon sa kwarto ko, pota, para na kong hinihele, parang narating ko na din ang langit. oo, parang nasa langit na ko, nagigising na lang akong nakamedyas pa rin at nakauniporme, kinaumagahan. diretso na sa paaralan. loljke.

ewan ko ba kase bat ako nagkaganito ngayon. wala naman sana akong inaping matanda sa daan para ipakulam ako at bigyan ng leksyong gaya nito, lahat naman ng nakakasalubong ko eh nginingitian ko, o baka naman kaya eh nausog ako? weh? haha. ano ko new born? napapangiti ako sa pinagdadakdak ko dito walang kakwentakwenta. pero sa totoo lang mas maigi na yung paksa ko, kesa puro nobyo na lang..nakakatigang ng utak. taeng pagibig iyan.. namamaos na si Hayley kakakanta gabigabi saken para lang antukin ako.

sana maibalik ko na yung dating relasyon namin nitong si SLEEP. dati sweet siya saken eh, simula nung naloko ulit ako dito sa intarnet, parang nagtampo siya saken, nagselos kumbaga.

hosya. pipilitin ko na naman ang sarili kong gawin ang bagay na ayaw nito. bakit? dahil kelangan. hindi nya dapat ako nakokontrol. ako dapat ang komokontrol sa kanya.

magkaaway na naman kami ng sarili ko sa panahong ito. ang imposible lang. kinakausap nya ko eh. pooooota. nasisiraan na ba ako ng bait? yes?

kbyemwamwamwaaaah.

surbey

nag sagot sagot ako ng survey sa site na to.http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx wala kasi akong magawa at natuwa ako, medyo sa may pagkamanghuhula siya. tumatama, sumasakto saken lahat eh.. maishare ko lang ang analysis nya about sa pagkatao ko... pasensya at super habaaaaa.. hahaha. me side comments pa, bahala na kayo. babbaaayuuu..

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

wow. sana hindi ka nagkakamali sa sinabi mong intelligent ako. pero totoo ito.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

aba.. aba.. sakto.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

talaga? siguro nga...ako kasi yun tipo na pagkagusto ko, gusto ko. pagmahal ko, mahal ko. tapos feeling ko pa lage yun na yung "the one" oo. tanga ako.

The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

hahahaha..

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

tama.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

ang problema lang is naguguluhan ako sa kung ano ang gusto kong gawin. :))

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

noo..this is somewhat false..not that totally i'm concerned with what would others say to me.. wala naman akong pakialam sa kung anong sasabihin nila. basta ako ito AKO. kung ayaw nyo ko eh di wag nyo :))

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

naks...

The Real YOU:

1. You've got great self-confidence and you're full of charm. Most guys who get to know you will be attracted to you. You are far from sweet and proper; your intriguing personality fascinates them. Most guys find it easy to fall for a girl like you.

2. You don't really care about other people's feelings. You do things the way you want and usually think only about yourself. You are easy-going and love to have fun, but you can be irresponsible as well. You are not keen on serious discussions because they can make you remember that life isn't always about parties.

3. You strictly follow rules, and you expect other people to be the same as well. People can get tired of you easily, as you can make them feel a little guilty about themselves. You always make decisions on your own, and can be dismissive of other people's advice. You like to be the leader in groups, but can forget to be concerned about the people you are with.

4. Your peers think of you as a fun person, but sometimes you can be a little irresponsible. You can be somewhat childish, and can try to ignore the fact that you will one day need to really grow up and be a mature adult! Perhaps you could start reading good books; they might help you look at the world in a different light. You do want to be taken seriously, right?

5. Your boyfriend believes that you are a strong and independent person. Your confidence and cheerfulness make you an attractive person to be around, but sometimes you need to pay more attention to what other people, including your boyfriend, are thinking.

ako nga ito. tama. :'|

What's your personality love style?

You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.

hmm...may pagkasakto.. ayoko lang nung "YOUR STANDARDS ARE SO HIGH." i don't set standards. eh wala naman akong sta-standards ehh.

What type of personality do you have?

Bright and Cheerful
You are always cheerful and charming. You never get too serious with people when they're around, but when you are alone, you think carefully about what they have said. That's because you don't want anyone to see you being too somber. Your personality means you have a lot of friends and you are often the center of attention. Many people who fall into this category become artists and movie stars, perhaps fame could be yours in the future as well.

akalain mo yun. so may posibilidad na makaloveteam ko si johnlloyd? GOO!

What does being a friend really mean to you?
You value your friendships quite a lot but you don't like to show your feelings to others. You would rather keep your feelings to yourself than share them with your friends. You might get a pleasant surprise if you are more open about caring for people - they will probably let you know that you're special to them, too.

tama. hmm.. i really don't have many friends pero marami akong bespren-besprenan. oo, magulo lang talaga akong tao. i'm really not into expressing my feelings or problems to my friends, kasi alam ko naman na may kanya-kanya kaming suliranin but sure they can rely to me whenever they need me. wag lang yung about sa pera. bwahahaha.

Jealousy

jealousy Level: 70%
You are a jealous person but you try not to let it show
You often get very jealous of others but you are successful at controlling your emotions publicly. When you feel that other people are winning things that you deserve, you get very upset, but you won't hurt anybody else by making a scene. Your jealousy is private. You might, for example, cry yourself to sleep at night when you get really jealous of someone

oo.. oo.. oo.. nabibwisit ako sa sarili ko. hindi ko pinapakitang nagseselos ako.

How you control your husband, who will lead the family and who will be led?
You tend to adopt traditional roles of a fine woman. You listen to what your husband tell you attentively and enjoy being guided and led by him.

asawahin nyo ko. wala kayong poproblemahin saken. bwahahahahhaa.

Your Marriage

How will you choose your Mr Right?
You will make the most of being able to shop around for Mr Right. You love your freedom and will have a lot of fun learning about what sort of man you like. When you do find the guy for you, nobody will be able to keep you away from the church.

Who will be your future Mr Right?
Your real-life hero will be manly. He'll be dependable, even financially. He will protect you and always respect your feelings. He'll probably be quite a bit older than you.

When will you get married?
As soon as you fall in love, you'll want to grab your man and hang on to him. You will probably marry very young, so it would be wise of you to think carefully before committing.

kinikilig ako. habang binabasa 'to. bwahahahaha.

What sort of wife will you be?
You are a bit tricky. You might pretend to be a sensitive and caring wife in his eyes, but you'll be ready to laugh at him behind his back and eventually you may even leave him for another man.

hahahahahahha.. natawa ko dito.

Will you and your husband have a good time together?
You and your spouse will choose to spend time on more romantic activities. You won't end up quite as healthy, but you'll have plenty of fun going out for drinks, watching concerts or playing cards at home with other friends.

paktay :|

What will your children be like?
Your kids will be very naughty. They will often get into trouble but you will have a great time bringing these fun-loving kids up. They are lively and smart.

waaaaah.. bat naman naughty? :|

How loyal are you?
You get along very well with most guys. Sometimes your friendliness misleads others to think that you're a bit of a flirt, but actually you've got a loyal heart. You'll never have eyes for anyone except your beloved husband.

syempre. pero hoy hindi ako flirt. stick to one 'to.

"Hang glider"

You love fair relationship with your boyfriends. You like a simple wedding. It can merely be cohabitation without wedding, or you live separately with your husband. Despite all these, you will still have a good time together until you become a grandmother or a grandfather. Then, you are still good friends who always living the rest of your life together.

Your Hidden Talent

The Artist
You love freedom and want to follow your heart's desires. You might not be at your best when dealing with other people. Once you are given the opportunity to work your chosen way, your gift will shine. A tip for you is not to concentrate too much on your own work, but widen your focus and consider the opinions of other people.

hmm...i will take your tip :)

Who is your dream guy?

He is wild and adventurous. His path is often against the world. He does what he wants when he feels like. His type of girl is quite like him, independent and wise. If you love freedom and willing to risk, go for this guy.

tama 'to. mga ganyang tipo nga ang gusto ko.

How well do you react?
Although you are emotional, you have full control of behavior. Being patient is your unique quality.

Your future friend: You have a big sister confidence and leadership. So you friends are mostly vulnerable and always need your help. You can't resist helping these people and eventually you all will become good friends.

Your travel plan: In the future, you will often take overseas trips especially to modernized countries. You will get to explore Europe and North Asia like you always wanted.

wooooo... sana!!

Your future financial status: You are a big spender! You always spend on friends and luxury goods without feeling guilty. No matter how much you earn, you churn to match it. Your credit cards get thinner and thinner from frequent swipes. The figure in your bank account is not what you enjoy seeing.

aww.. dapat ko na talagang iwasan pagiging magastos ko. :))

The last period of your life: You can't stand being a lonely old lady so you will spend the last days of you life being a kind loving grandparent so that the kids will love to have you around


How deep is your love?
Depth: 53%
You have him in a corner of your heart. Don't lie to yourself; he's your special guy. Take good care of your heart. You still have a long way to go. Always remember that love has two edges. Being apart for a while might be a good chance to proof his love to you.

but me sukatan na pala ng pagmahahal ngayon??!

note to self.

always have the faith to believe in who you are...

pampaangas lang.

things get better, through whatever...

minsan paniwalaan mo ang sarili mong kaya MO. wala namang masama eh, wala namang mawawala kapag naniwala kang MAGAGAWA MO. walang ibang taong pwedeng MANIWALA sayo, maliban sa SARILI MO.

kaya mo yan. magiisip ka na rin lang, dun na sa maganda, sa positibo. wag ka nang mag-anu-ano. anuhin kita dyan eh ano??! ano!!!?!!

unan mahal kita.

kapag minsan hindi mo na kinakaya ang ibinabato sayo ng mundo, mas gusto mo na lang magtago sa sulok at mawala ng kahit tatlong minuto at lisanin ang mapang-aping mundo. gusto mong magpunta sa malayo nang di mo na makita lahat ng kinasusuklaman mo at nang di mo na marinig lahat ng sasabihin nila...

nakakabadtrip.
wala ka naman kasing kakampi. wala kang mapagsumbungan. walang pwedeng magpatahan sayo. at ang bukod tanging pepwede mo lang na akapin ay ang duster ng nanay mo na, idinamit mo sa unan. nakakaawa ka self.

hindi mo sila kelangan. kaya mong tumayo sa sarili mong paa.
isipin mo to. ANG MUNDO AY BILOG.
panahon nila ngayon. BUKAS kapag nagsikap ka.
IKAW NAMAN ANG NASA PWESTO NILA.

mahalin mo sarili mo.
wag ka na umiyak.


SOMEWHERE OUT THERE, GOD IS PEEPING THROUGH, WATCHING YOU.

AYKENTTEKET anymore.

"I feel like everything that happens to me is a test of my strength. What will try to break me today? Can I get through another day just dealing with myself? Can I go on pretending that I don’t care? When will I finally explode? Will anyone ever hear my cry? I feel like no one will notice this pain until I just die." -FROM TUMBLR.

werdo na kung werdo pero paminsan nararamdaman ko na lang na may taning na yung buhay ko. oo. swear. alam mo yung feeling na, gigising ka sa umaga na para bang lahat ng tao ay aligaga sa kani-kanilang tungkulin pero eto ikaw na walang pakialam sa mundo at lumulutang lang sa hangin. walang nakakakita sayo. walang nakakarinig sa mga sasabihin mo. walang nakakaramdam. parang wala ka na sa mundo. siguro ganon nga mismo ang eksena kapag nakalimutan mo ng maghithit - buga ng oxygen. anlungkot.

TSHIrT

nakakatawa.

bakit may mga bagay na sadyang hindi mo kayang pakawalan paminsan. kahit na sabihin nating wala na naman itong pakinabang sayo. bakit kinakailangan mo itong itago pa, kung pwede pa naman itong pakinabangan ng iba. at bakit andami kong tanong na tila ba'y may pinupunto ako? ah.ewan.

nakakapanlumo.

sinubukan mong ibahagi sa iba ang bagay na naging napakahalaga sayo, isang magandang halimbawa ang paborito mong tshirt. ayaw mo na itong isuot. ayaw mo din naman masira lang ito sa tokador at ngatngatin ng mga kaibigan mong bubwit. may isa kang kakilala na alam mong may matinding pagnanais na masuot nya ang tshirt mong yun, ibinigay mo ito sa kanya sa pagaakalang papahalagahan nya, iyon pala makikita mo lang itong ipinapambahay nya, at masaklap pa, kapag nagkandabutas-butas na, nasa sulok na ito at basahang pampaa. ang saklap charo.


ikompara mo ang tshirt na yan, sa tao.

gets mo?

sana.

kung sino pa iyong pinakagusto mo para sa sarili mo, siya pang kelangan mong ipamigay, baket? kelangan. dahil? kelangan. para? sumaya siya sa iba. pero kung sino pang pinili nya, yun lang din pala ang sisira sa kanya.

werdo.